Roliga historier, blondskämt på engelska.
"Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
The boss, feeling very sorry at this point, explains to the young girl. "Why don't
you go home for the day.....we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax
and rest." The blonde very calmly states......"No, I'd be better off here. I need to
keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss
agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual...."if you need anything, just let me
know." Well, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He
looks out over his office and sees her hysterically crying!! He rushes out to her,
asking, "What's the problem........are you going to be ok??" "No......" exclaims the
blonde. "I just got a call from my sister. She told me that HER mom died too!!".
A blonde wearing a brown wig walks in a store and says to an employee "I'd like
to buy that TV". The employee replies "Sorry, I don't sell TV's to blondes", and
the blonde leaves the store.
The next day, the same blonde walks in wearing a red wig. She says "I wish to buy
that TV", to which the employee replies again "Sorry, I don't sell TV's to blondes".
The blonde leaves the store...
The next day, the same blonde walks in the store, with her hair dyed in black. She
says "I would like to buy that TV". The employee replies again "Sorry, I don't sell
TV's to blondes". The blonde is totally confused and asks the man, "I'm sorry, but
I've worn a red and brown wig, and now I dyed my hair black, how did you know
I am a blonde?". "Well", says the man, "that's not a TV, it's a microwave."
Why did the blonde tip toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the Sleeping Pills.
Why do blondes hate M&M's? They are too hard to peal...
Walking his blonde date to the front door, Keith said to her, "Will I see you pretty
soon?"
"What's the matter," she asked, hurt. "Don't you think I'm pretty now?"
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female
neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened
it then slammed it shut stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of
her house again went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the
lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then
slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her,
"Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is!" My stupid
computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a
gun. She goes to his apartment and when she opens the door she finds her boyfriend
in the arms of a redhead. Well, said the blond is angry, while she opens her purse
to take out the gun. As she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun
and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it". The blonde
replies "Shut up, you're next."
Why doesn't General Motors give their blonde mechanics coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
The boss, feeling very sorry at this point, explains to the young girl. "Why don't
you go home for the day.....we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax
and rest." The blonde very calmly states......"No, I'd be better off here. I need to
keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss
agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual...."if you need anything, just let me
know." Well, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He
looks out over his office and sees her hysterically crying!! He rushes out to her,
asking, "What's the problem........are you going to be ok??" "No......" exclaims the
blonde. "I just got a call from my sister. She told me that HER mom died too!!".
A blonde wearing a brown wig walks in a store and says to an employee "I'd like
to buy that TV". The employee replies "Sorry, I don't sell TV's to blondes", and
the blonde leaves the store.
The next day, the same blonde walks in wearing a red wig. She says "I wish to buy
that TV", to which the employee replies again "Sorry, I don't sell TV's to blondes".
The blonde leaves the store...
The next day, the same blonde walks in the store, with her hair dyed in black. She
says "I would like to buy that TV". The employee replies again "Sorry, I don't sell
TV's to blondes". The blonde is totally confused and asks the man, "I'm sorry, but
I've worn a red and brown wig, and now I dyed my hair black, how did you know
I am a blonde?". "Well", says the man, "that's not a TV, it's a microwave."
Why did the blonde tip toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the Sleeping Pills.
Why do blondes hate M&M's? They are too hard to peal...
Walking his blonde date to the front door, Keith said to her, "Will I see you pretty
soon?"
"What's the matter," she asked, hurt. "Don't you think I'm pretty now?"
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female
neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened
it then slammed it shut stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of
her house again went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the
lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then
slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her,
"Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is!" My stupid
computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a
gun. She goes to his apartment and when she opens the door she finds her boyfriend
in the arms of a redhead. Well, said the blond is angry, while she opens her purse
to take out the gun. As she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun
and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it". The blonde
replies "Shut up, you're next."
Why doesn't General Motors give their blonde mechanics coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
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